Overheard at #AppleEvent 2016: a Luddite and a Genius

Overheard at #AppleEvent 2016: a Luddite and a Genius
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The hall was almost full. An assortment of nerds and geeks packed out the cavernous room like sardines on a spaceship destined for Mars. The atmosphere was electric, but not just that normal kind of electric. It was iElectric.

A man in his thirties was wearing a T-shirt with a technology joke printed on it, a watch that sported a one-day battery life, and a smile of religious adoration. He was sitting next to a man in his fifties. The older gentleman sat with his hands clasped, thumbs twiddling, eyes fixed forward.

What follows are snippets of their conversation overheard by a struggling journalist hoping for a story that would blow his three readers away.

 

“Hey man, nice tweed,” beamed the thirtysomething.

“Hello? And you are?”

“Oh, I’m Chad. Good to meet you. I’m a Genius.”

(indistinct response)

 

(introductory video ends)

“Well, that was a silly video. I’ve never liked karaoke,” mumbled the fiftysomething.

“Ahh don’t sweat it, man. That English dude is hilarious!”

 

(iWork presentation begins)

“But I don’t understand this nonsense. Were they never taught the basic grammatical rule of sentence case?” the mature man muttered.

“It’s iWork man. iWork. It’s pretty cool if you think about it.”

“Yes, I know how to pronounce it. I work. I work hard thank you very much. What have these fellows on stage ever done, though, I ask you?”

 

(iWatch presentation begins)

“Oh my goodness, that is so amazing! ” whispered the T-shirt wearing man as he leaned forward, regressing further into childhood with each segment of the program.

“Look! Look at my watch,” said the older man, thrusting his wrist towards the face of the thirtysomething. “I’ve had this for ten years and it has never let me down, dear boy.”

“But it’s waterproof!”

“Yes and so is mine, dear boy.”

“Well, you can’t play Pokemon Go on that old watch… old man!”

(muffled expletives)

 

(AirPods presentation in mid flow)

“I’m definitely getting myself some of those. I never liked my headphone jack anyway.”

“I knew a chap called Jack once.”

“Uh huh…? Wow! The case doubles as a charger! Crazy cool!”

 

(concluding music, followed by applause)

“Well I must say, that seemed a little bizarre.”

“Great song man, great artist. Loved it. See you again next year?”

“Err, yes. Probably not, dear boy. But all the best with your pokey-man watch. I may try the Microsoft circus next year. But, of course, these things are all the same aren’t they?” said the older man with a little chuckle.

The thirtysomething stood stunned, watching the heretical blasphemer walk away into his meaningless life, devoid of the joys brought to humanity by all things Apple.

About J M Jackson

Dad first, etc second. Prefers writing about life instead of facing it. Occupied by unruly Nabokovian irritation & irrepressible Kafkaesque positivity. Working on his first novel.

Dad first, etc second. Prefers writing about life instead of facing it. Occupied by unruly Nabokovian irritation & irrepressible Kafkaesque positivity. Working on his first novel.

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