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1.
Hi this is Duncan I’m not by my phone at the moment or maybe I’m busy, anyway leave me a message and I’ll get back to you. Thanks.
Duncan, I’m here. Answer your phone. Pick up your phone. Hello?
Duncan! I am here. Hold on a second, I need to put in another twenty pence.
Duncan. Hello. My God, this is expensive. Why aren’t you answering your phone?
I’ll hang up and call you back and maybe you’ll hear it this time, and I’ll say I think some crazy lady’s left daft messages on your answering machine, you better delete them, don’t want to talk to her.
Okay, I’m calling you back.
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Seán Padraic Birnie is a writer and photographer from Brighton. He blogs under a pseudonym stolen from Graham Greene at fredhale.tumblr.com; his photographs can be seen at Flickr.